Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
