is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
