Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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