I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
