Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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