U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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