I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
