we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
