you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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