also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
