and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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