happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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