Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
