We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
