We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Congratulations! We have a period
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