Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
