woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
