who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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