No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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