no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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