We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
