Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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