My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
