im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
