she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had sex on a roof
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
