so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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