I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
