no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
