You smell like a Billy Joel song
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
