we have pet lesbian snakes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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