I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
