i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
