I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
