It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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