I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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