I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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