You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize