So drunk its hurt
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
