I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
