So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
