I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
