You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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