you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
