hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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