you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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