his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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