Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
