At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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