Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
