did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
