be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
