I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you had me at cake vodka
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
