You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who died my cat blue again?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
