Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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