i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
