im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize