I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
