my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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