I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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