When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
