you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
