saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
