I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
