I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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