Where did you get a picture of my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
